Goodbye ...

As dreams turn into ashes,
float away in streams of tears,
I stand here waiting...
waiting for an answer, waiting for a sign that all this is not in vain.....

My heart bleeds deep with sorrow,
My heart aches knowing days ahead are without you..
Our love is strong, our love is true,
But not enough to pull us through...

Let me call you Baby,
Let me call you Love,
For you will always be in my heart and mind,
For you I will always care.

Love does not conquer all,
Love does not hide the truth.
Love is humility, it is kindness, and
In time perhaps it will set us free.

Super Protogeny Guppy 8-)

You should know by now that I have a puppy, but how many of you know about my guppy? :D
Officially, its not my fish, its Baby's..... but since he is not around I'm the one feeding and changing the water so its mine now! :P

I know I've said it before, about how I uninspiring having fish as pet could be... I mean all it does is swim and eat.... you can't cuddle it, it doesn't greet you or acknowledge you exist... so why am I taking active ownership of one simple guppy?? Well, the little red guppy I have right now is extra special, it doesn't have a name but that is not the point.... the point is it was a female but now its a male!!!!!!!

Yep. You read correctly. It went through an all natural sex change when the original 3 male 2 female guppy was left with just 2 females.... and one day, it became one male and one female! I kid you not. Being an avid national geographic and discovery channel watcher, I was made aware that some fish and frogs has the ability to change sex to exploit the opportunity that it found itself in. Say, if the whole pond is female, some females will naturally transform and becomes male and thus ensuring pro-creation is still very much in business..... ;) If you recall, this is one of the reason Jurassic Park was overflowing with dinos at one point...

A quick check on Google revealed that for male to female its called protandry while the opposite is called protogeny. I haven't searched to confirm that guppies have this ability, but I know my guppies and I know this happened.... Oh BTW, I found the dead body of the female guppy at the bottom of the fish bowl one day, so now I'm only left with the super sex changed guppy... :D I'm curious to see what will happen now if I introduce another male guppy into the bowl... do you think one will change to a female?! :O

Baby didn't like the idea of getting more guppies for our fish bowl, I guess the 4 dead fish weighs heavily on his conscience.... he told me, we'll get more fish when we have a proper tank.....

I'm cool just having one sex changed guppy 8-)

New Loves: Badminton & Bali

I have a new love and I spend 2 hours every Saturdays on it. :) I've picked up playing badminton about a month ago and found it fulfilling everything that a gym never did. I sweat bucket loads, I laugh and get to spend time with my favourite people, which is even important since Baby is away again for a couple of weeks feeling the autumn cold in Yokohama.

After every game, my body aches for a few days, its a good ache, at least that is what i tell myself when I negotiate a flight of stairs on monday carrying my laptop and walking on heels... :| but the best motivator is really when you notice you look much better in photographs and in clothes, and people asked if I've lost weight *grin* .... AND the queen of all motivation is when you notice the diminishing cellulite and orange peel on your rear....! OH MOMMA! :D

Its a no brainer for me, so I've decided to terminate my gym membership and try to make badminton a double occurance in my week... atm, just can't find a suitable time on a week day (not too late in the night) and place (not too far from work or home)....

I am also hoping that when my second brother moves in to the same neighbourhood, we could have a family badminton session... and if Mom and dad comes visit it would be a more meaningful visit then just about eating and window shopping at IKEA..... Mom and dad already plays twice a week and their eyes light up when I suggested this :) Oh and Dad restrung a nice racquet for me when he heard I taken up the game... so, all I need are court shoes!

Oh right, I should mention about my holiday in Bali recently :D Baby and I finally get to go and it was a superb 5 days of excellent food, massages and pampering, shopping and nature walks..... We skipped the beach altogether! I know, I know.... you folks are probably gasped at the total omission of Bali's famed beaches, but we plan to do that the next time we visit... the first was just to relax... God knows how stressed out Baby is working on this current project... imagine working through the weekends past midnight most of the time..... I hardly saw him and we hardly eat together and much less go out kai kai..... but, like I told him, at least he is by my side.... not some far off place where I have never been before...

Bali is special... we were at Legian for about 2 days and paid a visit to the Bali Bombing Memorial Wall. I looked through all the names of the people who died and felt a strange sadness... these are people who were just like us, coming here all excited about a beautiful island only to die is such a fashion. There were sisters who died together, husband and wife, friends, local people who is just making an honest living.... I was there for a long time, just looking at the names on the wall... I saw other people wiping away tears and I felt scared too for being there.... honestly? the main reason I chose to stay at Legian instead of Kuta, was just that - to be away from the centre where foreign tourists seem to congregate and the same reason why we traveled off peak season.

We took on a guide and off to see mountains and rice terraces in Jatiluwih up north, Baby visited a temple at Batukau (wanted to visit more temples like the one in the sea at Tanah Lot, but I was menstruating and I chose to respect their customs of not entering the temples in my "unclean" condition.) After Legian, we were off to Ubud. The centre of Bali's arts. It was a weird feeling to arrive in Ubud... suddenly everything seems to be much more relaxed and there was more artistic feel in the air... I can't quite describe the feeling.. :)

We just love it in Ubud! The paintings gallery were fascinating and we couldn't resist and bought 2 for our home. I fell in love with a huge painting... I could stare at it forever... it is a oil painting of a receding shore with silhouttes of men with their fishing rods upon a blue sky and sandy shores... I remember the feeling of standing at one of the lookout stations at Blue Mountain, Sydney where the landscape stretches as far as the eye can see... makes you realise how beautiful nature is and small you are in comparison..... I felt the same when I look at this painting... but at a whopping USD4k, it is wayy wayyy out of our budget!

Bali was excellent. The mountains, the landscape, the architecture, the culture..... The people so genuinely friendly and there were so many things we didn't get to do during our stay there... they were just not enough time! I can't say enough, but I'm getting hungry and tired already to write anymore :P

Next trip.... looking forward to it.

The Person Within

I read somewhere that the reason why we never notice the time when we are having fun or being happy is because we never take time to dwell into happiness. Think about it, when you are sad or miserable you can't help but to stop and ask yourself "why is this happening?" or "why am I sad?" Through contemplation, we often find people to blame or we blame our bad luck or fate and to some, we blame ourselves.....

Does this imply that, we are suppose to live in happiness and that sadness or unhappiness is in a way abnormal?

What I notice about myself is that, the deeper the pain and suffering, the more I know myself in the end. But this only happens after a long, drawn out conversations with myself.... I recall all those stories I read about the protagonist going on some journey in search of something, but only to realise that what they were searching for was always there, within..... one such story is the Alchemist. The story ends where the journey began.

Does this imply that with sadness is where all the learning is done? I think so.

And perhaps, happiness is not meant to be perpetual? And I don't believe love is perpetual either, I am not afraid to say that all the love I have given to everyone and everything IS conditional.... I don't know how I know this, but I have an inkling that the only unconditional love I am capable of is to my child.

Consider this scenario:
Your mother and your husband is drowning and you only have enough time to save one person, who do you choose?

My answer: My mother and it would break my heart.

Your mother and your child is drowning and you only have time to save one person, who do you choose?

My answer: My child. It would break my heart but I know she will forgive me.

A Great Saturday All by Myself :)

I went to watch a movie today in one of those least crowded shopping mall near my home - yes! they exist! :) Went straight to the ticket counter (with no queue) and got myself a single ticket. The aged Jodie Foster still has it, and I would really recommend this The Brave One because of it's touching human feelings it portrays.... How some random violence leave a mark on people's lives and the transformation of a person into a totally different person because of that.... it makes me think how strong and (at the same time) weak the human soul is and how knowing this transformation is in itself a realisation of the tragedy that has taken place. I really enjoyed this movie and often I wished Baby was there to watch this with me.... (Baby is in Jakarta now, which he says reminds him of a slightly better Bangladesh?)

I am also reading a really nice book at the moment, remember the previous post I talked about sharing my books away, you know in my quest to be less possessive of my books? In return, another colleague of mine has lend me his favourite book called Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer who is also the author of Everything Is Illuminated. What strikes me the most of this book is how incredibly intelligent and sad it is, it is intelligent in the witty and ingenious way on how the author conveys the feelings and thoughts of the characters through humour and how the within the humour and wit, sadness is implied. One third through the book and I had to take a pause... because I'm feeling the 'heavy boots'... I have never read a story that comes near to how weird and different as how this was presented.

Sigh... 'heavy boots'.....

I also bought a book today, my first travel book - Lonely Planet Bali & Lombok ;) Yes folks, I'm taking this planning to Bali thing very seriously now.... because I'm finding it a tad tedious to search for info that I need from the Internet and of course, I'm getting self conscious doing this in the office while everybody else is busy with their work! As you may guess, it's getting pretty quiet for me now, I'm not really complaining... just.... *whispers* I'm too free? :|

Ahh well, the last time I complained I got this huge scary project to manage... so let's forget I said that ok? :P

Additional: I forgot to mention that they made a movie out of Everything Is Illuminated although not everything was adapted into the movie and they plan to do the same for Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

Noodle Meets Prince Charming

His Royal Highness The Prince Andrew,
Duke of York

Literally, that was what happened on the 30th August 2007, I met with the 4th in line to the throne of England, shook his hand and did the best I could in the presentation in spite of the nerves... :|

HRH Prince Andrew, Duke of York has a very warm and cheerful disposition, which worked great and took lots of the pressure off for me and my other colleagues who was to meet him that afternoon. We spent days preparing for the presentation and had to change the script from our normal presentation due to the very limited time we have for each presentation - 3 minutes each, where normally we yak away 10-15 minutes, and the fact that we could only address him as His Royal Highness and Sir ONLY. It's a bit hard when all of the sudden you have to get used to not saying the word "you". If you can't imagine it, just try not saying this word as you attempt to explain something to that person... or you could just trust me, it's hard!!

The prince's visit to my company was part of the 50th Independence Celebration, and the fact that my company was selected is largely due to the recently launched programme we have with the Malaysian government to down stream technology to the local SMEs.

He was on time as he walked through the door, and he was very surprised with the warm reception... :) After a short lunch, he mingled and asked questions on what we do... and as warned by his aides, he did go off the agreed path and lingered longer when some ideas and illustration we drew on the ideas' board caught his eye. My other colleague gave an impromptu presentation which went very well! :D And yes, he just hate to be ushered around and man does he walk fast! My colleague who is the designated camera person was frantic as he tries to find the best shot ..... heh... and from the pictures, there were some great shots indeed :D

As I think back on this and all other events I am involved with, I do feel that my job now is indeed very special... largely due to our location and nature of business, I am given many opportunities to be involved with many interesting projects. Majority is with high visibility....

PK gave me a link to some personality test recently, I found out that I am actually an ENFJ.

According to the Jung type description my favoured careers are as follows:
casting directory , film critic, wedding planner , work in the performing arts, teacher (art, preschool, elementary), actor, fashion designer, news anchor, fashion merchandiser, school psychologist, broadcaster, stylist, interior designer, event coordinator, restaurant owner, childcare worker, hair stylist, film director, counselor, dancer.

I like ALL the stuff here! :D And secretly, I've fantasied about doing all those stuff one time or the other... seriously, SERIOUSLY! :P

Unfavoured careers:
race car driver, scientist, computer specialist, airline pilot, computer programmer, financial manager, epidemiologist, truck driver, electrical engineer, software designer, web designer, business consultant, dj, bookseller.

LOL... electricl engineer!! Shhiiiiiiiitt! 8-|

A Quick Update....

At the office again on a Saturday, eating tapao rice from my favourite Malay stall. My contractors are very late today, some logistics problem (again!) and I wonder at what time would I be able to leave today but I shall not start my blog entry with too much complaints... for the fact that I am blogger shows its not all that bad being here eh? :) I will be finishing off some paperwork today so that the contractors will get paid and will work towards closure of the big project I undertook since months ago... The showcase looks splendid now, result of all the hard work put in by myself and the people I work with, but the issues of the showcase is far, far from closed... which reminds me, I have to start shaping those slides packs for draft 2 soon.....

I've got a steady stream of visitors to the showcase, did a few presentations just this month but what I'm really nervous about is the one coming end of the month... will blog about it if it comes to anything to talk about :)

My team is steadily growing in size as well. The 3rd round of interviews has started and I think it started rather badly. The candidate we saw yesterday just rubbed me the wrong way... but I guess I should have known better when I saw he submitted a 20 page resume! Ugh, and what he wrote in his CV about his capabilities is literally like digging his own grave, too many instances where you know he is just a real bullshitter.... I mean he even rated his own leadership, interpersonal, research and presentation skills with "Intermediate" and "Advance". When I saw that, I thought it prudent to ask him how he came about with those gradings. He answered "I asked my friends..." and when I asked him did he do a 360 evaluation, he didn't know anything about that too.... my manager grew impatient as well and started to grill him about his so called declaration of "...(office) politics can be solved when both parties learn to talk it over and agree what is best based on company direction..." Naive and know-it-all-but-knows nothing-show-off is what I would call him.... I felt if he was more sincere instead of trying to project this "expert" image, he would have stood a chance....

I am very pleased with the new guys that joined us, they prove to be hardworking, helpful and playful folks. We've started futsal games every Thursday. I've learnt to scream less and kick better these days, and my stamina is getting better every week! :D

Baby's in Yokohama again for a few weeks, so Tag's only got me and I've been a very very bad owner in terms of being consistent with his walks :|.... its been raining every morning for the past week and he is getting restless, and I haven't been cooking his favourite chicken liver stew lately... been coming home after the fresh market close these days so he's been eating his dry pellets with the occasional milk. I am seriously thinking about getting the rain coat out and taking him on his walk.... seems unfair to the poor thing. :(

Oh right! I know I haven't told you guys this, but I FINALLY got it!! The Roomba!!!! :D :D
The local distributor was selling it a promotional price of RM1699 at the home furnishing exhibition, so Baby and I and SS went there for the sole purpose of getting it! >:) We also paused to look at the magical Laurelstarr (I don't think i spelled it correctly) its a spectacular iron system that saves time and doesn't damage your clothes and is idiot proof because it only has 1 temperature setting for all types of ironing. Baby's eyes were all transfixed on the ironing system and I know that he badly wants it! (Or it could be the nice sales lady who was doing the demo...:P) The ONLY snag was the pricey price tag of RM6k! (SS asked if the "person" is included with the price lol) So, into a wish list it goes! :P

I've also finished reading HP7. I must say it's really exciting read right from the beginning! And I felt a bit sad when I was breezing through it that there would not be anymore HP books to look forward to.... I'm reading something else now, Sacred Games by Vikram Chandra. Very promising actually :)

On the subject of books and reading, recently I confided in a book reading friend about my possessiveness of my books.. on how I am very reluctant to share them with other people... her reply stayed with me for the longest time ".... books are only 'alive' when read, on the shelves they are 'dead' you know?..." Ugh, I hate her! So Babe, I've lend out The Alchemist to my fresh grad colleague and before I hand it to him, told him about all the rules about book handling and pointed out to him that the edition he is holding is the 10th Anniversary Edition....! Sigh..

The things we do for love.